Jimmy The Foolish Deer
by MissRandumb
Summary: Jimmy the deer had a lovely life. All until he had a brief meeting with Edward Cullen the vampire... Bella is also a vampire, and has been for a while. OOC and completely pointless, but you know you want to read it! Oneshot.


_Summary: Jimmy the deer had a lovely life. All until he had a brief meeting with Edward Cullen the vampire... (Bella is also a vampire, and has been for a while.)_

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**Jimmy's POV**

I was frolicking merrily along the peaceful spring meadow. The flowers were in full bloom, sending lustrous colours all around me. I inhaled deeply and the smell of daisies made my head dizzy. Spring was definitely my favorite time of year!

It was dawn, and the sun was just peaking over the grassy hills, making the rays of light bounce happily along the clouds, filling the sky with a beautiful pink, offsetting a nice baby blue.

I took in the colourful world around, fully appreciating the wonderfulness of it all. The wind flowing through the trees, making the leaves twinkle merrily against each other, filling the air with a soft melody, Mother Nature's humming.

It was all so peaceful, even when Kimmy, my best friend came bounding along clumsily through the bushes.

"Hi!" She chirped, in that lovely soprano voice of hers. I grinned back and inhaled the scent of flowers again, allowing Kimmy's hyper words to drift through my fuzzy ears, but not really hearing what they were. I knew she didn't care if I was listening or not, she loved to hear the sound of her voice, and I really didn't mind. Her voice just added to the music already drifting in the gentle breeze. It all fit, connected, like a puzzle. Nothing could ruin his day.

While all the other young children deer came out to play and eat the freshly grown berries, I just sat off to the side and enjoyed my daydreams. But I was interrupted when the air suddenly turned foreboding and tense, and everybody else felt it right after me.

We all looked wearily into the trees, looking for this evil to rise up from the shadows. All of us saw it: flashing gold eyes, turning flat black in a second but still holding their hypnotic pull, staring at us from behind one of the many evergreen trees. And we all then knew what we were up against, and we all remembered the stories our grandparents had told us about the human leeches:

_I was sitting in front of my grandpapa, who was looking at me with fondness. His eyes, though slightly murky with age, showed everlasting wisdom. He was one of the oldest in our colony._

_"Grandpapa, tell me a story!" I cried happily, my tummy was full of berry juices. "Make it scary, I can handle it!"_

_His glassy eyes twinkled with humor. "Well then, scary you say? Are you sure? Hmm... I have just the thing..."_

_I leaned eagerly forward, opening my floppy ears wide so I could hear his deep, scratchy voice perfectly._

_"It all started a long time ago, at the beginning of our group. The winter was harsh and cold, and many of our young were growing sickly. We made our strong leaders to go find berries to bring back to us, so we would not freeze in searching for our own food._

_"It was the night of the second week of winter when the trouble started. Our berry hunting party was gone out for our nightly snack when Paul, your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, came racing back to our little camp, stumbling along his knobbly knees the whole way._

_"'Help! Help! The horrid human leeches! Parasites! Inhuman! AAH!'_

_"We all went running over to him and tried to calm him. Eventually he told us what happened: 'Oh, it was horrible! We were aimlessly picking berries, you know, the real juicy ones? Anyways, the air got all tense and our fur bristled. You know, a bad sign, right? Well, there was this pair of obsidian black eyes, staring hungrily at us. And then this tall blond creature comes pouncing out! It looked human, but it radiated strength. And we all knew we were goners then. Then it jumped on Lenny, snapped his neck and sucked his blood! And then I ran as fast as I could while the others were wiped out. Oh so, so horrible...' He then proceeded to burst into dry sobs._

_"And that's why you must always be careful and to pay attention to your instincts," grandpapa warned, peering at me intently. All I could do was nod._

And then, just like my ancestor Paul, I knew we were goners. And then I ran. I bounded into the trees with surprising grace, my mind a haze as my animalistic instincts took over. And I knew the hunter was following me, I could feel it all the way down to my bones. I took a quick glance behind me, knowing I shouldn't't, but my curiosity peeked. I saw him, his abnormal hair, the colour of leaves in the fall, burnt and crispy bronze after the sun sucks all the juices out of them. And I knew that would happen to me. And I knew he was going slow, that he could have me killed in a fraction of a second, but he longed for the chase. He was playing with his food, and it made me sick.

I faced forward again and narrowly avoided hitting a tree. I was panicking and tears were escaping my big, innocent eyes. _Oh, Kimmy, I never told you that I loved you!_

I broke through a lovely clearing, filled with wild flowers the lush colour of red, of blood. Had many deer and animals died here and stained the flowers with their elixir of life before me?

I stared at the hunter with wide eyes, begging and pleading and screaming in my mind for him to have mercy, but it was all lost. He could see no reason past his lust.

And with one last triumphant growl so chilling that I felt like I was made of ice, the hunter pounced.

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**3rd Person POV**

"Edward! You didn't!" Bella screamed, breaking through the clearing Edward was in, and stopped dead in her tracks, seeing the poor baby deer laying dead at his feet, naive glassy eyes staring blankly at the sky.

Edward gave her a loving, but blank look. _Didn't what? _he thought.

"You killed that poor little deer!" She exclaimed in horror.

He continued to look at her blankly. "Darling, we're vampires. Yes, I killed it. Are you just now going into denial?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes... no...NO, but... but...!" She stuttered, "It was just a tiny baby!"

"Bella, you know we give over to our senses when we hunt. This was no different." He explained, as though talking to a child.

She raised her chin indignantly, "But he had a family, he could even had been in true love like us!"

"Bella, it's just a deer."

Apparently this was the wrong thing to say. "So help it Edward Anthony Masen Cullen..!" She screamed and stomped her foot. She then started to dug a hole in the dirt with her hands.

"Erm... Bella? What are you doing?"

"Digging a grave! We need to have a proper funeral for it. And flowers... and I need to wear a black dress... I'm sure Alice would like another reason to go shopping..." She started mumbling plans under her breath while Edward looked at her as if she was insane.

"I'm not _insane_!" She screeched.

_Creepy_, he thought, _it's almost as if she can read my mind..._

"And no, before you ask, I cannot read your mind!"

_Whoa... is this how my siblings feel?_ He unconsciously took a step back wards.

"Oh Edward! Suck it up and quit acting like a princess! Get over hear and help me. _NOW!_" She demanded. He wearily approached her and started to help her digging, cringing when he touched a worm, at which Bella snorted at him and muttered 'Stiff' under her breath. He narrowed his eyes at her. _She needs to hunt_, he thought, _she's acting like a dog-_

"I am not a dog!" _Holy French fritters and fries! How does she _do _that?!_

After the really depressing representation of a grave was made, Bella gently picked the deer up, while cooing to it as if it were a baby, and placed it delicately in the small hole. She then proceeded to place the dirt back on top and smoothed it out to look as if she had never dug a hole in the Earth in the first place.

Bella stood up and cleared her throat softly, although she didn't need to. "We are gathered here today-"

_"Oh god,"_ Edward muttered under his breath, which caused Bella to glare at him haughtily.

"- to honor the life of... Jimmy the deer,-"

"Wait, why Jimmy?" Edward cut in again.

"_Because," _Bella drew the word out in a 'duh, why not?' tone, "he looks like a Jimmy. Now where was I? Yes, 'Jimmy the deer' whom was MURDERED by my stupid husband-" queue scathing glance "- merely five minutes prior. Jimmy was a young deer, and looked to be full of life until he had it so maliciously drained out of him." Another dark look. "Jimmy the Foolish Deer, may you rest in peace." She paused, "Edward, do you have anything to say?" She asked (more like demanded).

He gave her an incredulous look which she ignored and fidgeted slightly with his feet. "Umm... I'm sorry?"

Bella sighed, but seemed to accept this. "I hope you learned your lesson, Edward Cullen!"

Edward nodded solemnly. "Yes, females are complete saps," which earned him a smack in the head and no action for a week.

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**_Au: This was merely a crack/fluffy/angsty fiction. I know it was completely pointless and OOC, but it was supposed to be that way. Hope you enjoyed it!_**


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